Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
