you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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