My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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