He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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