YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
