eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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