I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
