Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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