Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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