woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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