Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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