I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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