Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
