if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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