my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
