That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
my liver is dry heaving
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
