call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize