I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
