A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
false alarm, still single
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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