Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
