I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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