she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
