She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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