it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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