wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
