This girl is more easily done than said...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
