Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize