i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There r osticjed everywhere
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
