i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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