I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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