end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
