Im at strip club and am horny
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
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