You're my little dorito
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
