I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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