I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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