I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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