Your face is a jimmy john
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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