Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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