the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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