i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize