It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My ATM looks so different sober.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
