i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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