then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
