yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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