census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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