Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
