porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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