Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
PANTIES FOUND
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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