How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize