I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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