I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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