I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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