i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
These tits shall not be calmed
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
