Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
