So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
