I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
