who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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