it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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