Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
