I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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