I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize