we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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