I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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