I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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