grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
