I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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