omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
