Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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