I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
