I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
