You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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