i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Houston, we have a squirter
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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