you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
