Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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