Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
