I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
