He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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