my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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